The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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