I love black thongs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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