she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Actions speak louder than pants.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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