if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
tell me about the eggs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
