I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
