Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
