I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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