hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
