Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
