A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize