hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
