Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
