I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
