Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
