When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
