I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize