We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
