dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He kissed a someone with a penis
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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