Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
