New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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