i can't believe i had my finger in that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
