how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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