please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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