she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
