i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
