take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
