do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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