Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
