I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
