Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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