What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
