I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
