I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
