i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
