Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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