they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
