I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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