That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
