im about as happy as oj after his trial
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
