Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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