I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
