need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
