he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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