your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
