He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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