Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
