Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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