I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
