did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
