would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
