im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
