u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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