After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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