even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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