We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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