the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
