It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize