i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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