Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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