you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize