my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
