just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
