he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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