i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
