Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
