y did u give ur computer a hand job?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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