need another drink. this is the easiest way
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize