He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
