I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
