His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
