Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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