The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
