His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Alive.
So much puke
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
