We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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