I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
