True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
