Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
