He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
