Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
