you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
